


a light that never goes out

by peppermintpatties



Category: Dreamer Trilogy - Maggie Stiefvater, Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Adam Parrish Is Trying His Best, Adam Parrish Loves Ronan Lynch, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Injury, Car Accidents, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hospitalization, Hurt, Hurt Adam Parrish, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Character Injury, Medical Inaccuracies, Post-Canon, Ronan Lynch Has Feelings, Ronan Lynch Loves Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 22:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28981629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peppermintpatties/pseuds/peppermintpatties
Summary: Adam and Ronan never thought the night of their tenth anniversary would end this way—with cold dishes, bleeding cuts, and unopened black boxes.
Relationships: Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish
Comments: 16
Kudos: 130





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> first time to write for pynch!! i'm excited tbh :-) i've had this idea for quite some time now, and i'm so happy to be finally free from school work (for the time being) so i could finally turn these thoughts into something coherent lol. enjoy! kudos and comments are very much appreciated ❤️

To some, it all began during dinner. Although Adam and Ronan knew that wasn’t the case.

Things have been tense between them for the past couple of weeks, and this time, neither could deny that all of it points back to Adam. Specifically, Adam and the other love of his life, as Blue, Ronan, and Gansey would say to him—his work.

Despite dropping out of high school, Ronan knew fully well that while important things depend on a lawyer, it doesn’t necessarily mean practically living at the office, having no time for anything—and anyone—else besides the cases you’re handling, and _choosing_ to go overtime every goddamn day.

But because Ronan wasn’t an anger-filled teenager anymore, he decided to take the matter up with his boyfriend like the proper adults they were supposed to be at their (slightly) late twenties.

And so, Ronan did. One night, just as Adam had stepped onto the threshold of their living room, not even thirty seconds have passed since he’s arrived home when Ronan casually drawled out in a bored, unaffected tone that is so very much Ronan Lynch, “Home before eleven? Who are you and what have you done to Adam Parrish?”

Ronan knew he wasn’t going to fool Adam—that his boyfriend would pick-up the meaning behind every word, gesture, and expression Ronan sprang up on him because the truth is this: before Adam Parrish became an expert in handling cases and court hearings and legal jargons, he has always been, first and foremost, an expert on Ronan Lynch.

So, Adam knew. He knew that beneath his uncaring drawl, Ronan was genuinely surprised for him to be home just in time for dinner. He was uncertain yet hopeful that this would continue on for the next days to come. But the root of it all was simply the fact that Ronan misses Adam—missed welcoming home with a kiss and more when he gets home, missed how he would purposely leave their dinner atop a dreamt burning stove that wouldn’t set their house on fire because he’d much rather pay attention to Adam’s burning gaze when they reach their bed.

Adam knew Ronan misses him, different from the way they missed each other when Adam was still in college and then law school because back then, they didn’t have much choice. Now, Adam could leave the firm he’s working at before the sun has fully set and don’t have to worry about receiving less salary because no matter how much of a dream it feels like, Adam Parrish made it.

Slowly, he dropped his bag onto the nearest sofa and walked up to Ronan, whose eyes never left his. “I missed you too,” Adam says.

“Who says I missed you, Parrish?” Ronan retorted, but wasn’t fooling anyone since he met Adam halfway and practically engulfed him in a hug.

Gently pulling back but not leaving the confine of Ronan’s arms, Adam faced his boyfriend and raised an eyebrow at him, a smile starting to break out of his lips. “You just wrap your arms around anyone as a hello?”

“Yes,” Ronan grumbled. “Seriously, Parrish. Why are you home so early? Did something happen?”

This time, Adam didn’t fight back the smile. “I told you,” he says in a teasing voice, “I missed you. And I feel really bad about not spending time with you more.”

Ronan cupped his face. “No need to apologize, Parrish. I get it. Saving the world requires extra hours most of the time. I just wish you’re not overworking yourself because you still feel like you need to prove yourself to those assholes.”

“I’m not, Ro, I promise. I’d tell you about it soon, just… trust me on this?” Adam asked hesitantly.

“Always,” Ronan says. “Tamquam.”

“Alter idem.”

Later that night, as they recover from their second round, all tangled limbs mixed with sweat and panting breaths, Ronan whispered to Adam’s hearing ear, “I do miss you.”

*

At first, things did seem to get better. Adam would get home just in time for dinner or maybe even earlier, and if he had skipped lunch to compensate for leaving early, then Ronan wouldn’t just have to know. It was all worth it for Adam. After all, things were so much worse back when he was still attending Aglionby and juggling three different jobs at the same time.

But Adam knew that this arrangement wouldn’t last for long. Living with Ronan meant he was present for the times Adam tried to wiggle out of bed at two in the morning because he wanted to reread the case he was handling for the following day. For the times Adam puked from eating too much at dinner because the last proper meal he had was during breakfast.

Ronan wasn’t an idiot. He knew Adam’s keeping something from him, and though he trusts that man more than anything, he couldn’t help but feel like being stuck with a timebomb. As if something bad would inevitably happen soon and he would be left as a witness to the awful aftermath. Adam, being the intuitive asshole that he is, picked up on this and resorted to constantly reassuring him that they’re okay, and this is really just a personal thing and he would share it with Ronan when the time is right, and that he doesn’t need to worry about anything. The thing about being with someone who worries and overthinks a lot for almost a decade, Ronan supposes, is that those traits of Adam’s rubbed off on him. Though for all of Ronan Lynch’s snarky remarks and biting responses, he chose to keep all of these inside.

Everything must come to an end, as they say. And all things capable of holding something eventually fills up and sometimes breaks—even the hearts of dreamers.

Ronan had his last straw of whatever the root cause of his boyfriend’s behavior for the past months on the first of November. Before Adam left for work that morning, he told Ronan he’d be here. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he promised, and sealed it with a kiss.

 _Liar_ , Ronan thought bitterly as he waited and waited for hours on end at their dinner table. The Italian recipes he’s been practicing for the past week have gone cold. The little candles he set were now nothing but melted wax as they have long since burnt out. His appetite reduced to nothing.

Just as the wall clock informed him that it was already ten o’ clock, the front door opened and revealed a panting Adam Parrish. “Ro,” he said breathlessly, as if he ran all the way to their home from god knows where.

“Help yourself to some water, you look like you need it,” Ronan said flatly and stood up from his chair.

Adam hurried across the room to stop him from leaving. “Please, let me explain.”

At this, Ronan laughed humorlessly. “If you’re just going to tell me the speech about how you simply lost track of the time as you finished something for work, then no, I don’t want to hear it.”

“No, that’s not it at all,” Adam said, still trying to catch his breath.

Ronan met his eyes and said, “Enlighten me, Parrish.”

“I really did leave the firm early. I even told my boss that I’d take a day off from work this Friday because I wanted us to take a trip somewhere out of town—”

Ronan cut in with a laugh.

“What’s so funny?” Adam asked. “I’m telling you the truth.”

“Oh, sorry,” Ronan said completely unapologetic. “I was just surprised you still see me as a romantic partner. Thought you’d fill up that position with your work by now,” he spat.

An unmistakable look of hurt flashed across Adam’s eyes and if Ronan wasn’t so filled with this fiery anger he’s been feeding for quite some time now, he might have had space for an ounce of regret. But that doesn’t matter now.

“Ronan,” Adam started, but was cut off with a dismissive gesture from the other man.

“Whatever, Parrish. Just continue on with your so-called excuse.”

Having no choice, Adam did. “He approved of the leave, and I hurried to the train station because I had to buy something and the line was quite long, so I had to wait for half an hour. Then there was an emergency when I was already at the second to the last stop, so I had no choice but to get off and I ran all the way from there—”

“You know what,” Ronan interjected. “I’ve had enough of this bullshit the past few months. Look, I did try to be fucking patient and fucking understanding and all of that shit, but it feels like… I don’t know.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Adam said desperately.

“I’m not even fucking mad that you missed my celebration. I don’t fucking care if I turned a year older today, but _we_ turned a decade today, too.” And there it is. What pricked Ronan’s heart and made it shatter and set everything he bottled up free. “Or did you forget about that as well?”

Ronan was now heading towards the stairs when a quiet, broken voice made his steps halt. “Ro,” Adam said hoarsely, “I didn’t forget.”

“Just go, Adam,” Ronan said tiredly. “I can’t be around you right now.”

And if there’s one thing Adam learned early on about Ronan Lynch, it was that being addressed by his first name meant Ronan was dead serious.

“Happy anniversary, Ronan,” Adam says and went out into the cold November night.

*

Ronan Lynch would later regret saying those words to the love of his life. Now though, he physically felt his shoulders sag as he closed the door behind him. It was as if a terrible weight has been lifted from him without knowing he’s been carrying it all this time.

He took a shower, set his alarms, and went to bed. Minutes later, he drifted off to sleep with a heavy heart, and as he entered his dream space, he wasn’t surprised that what was in store for him tonight is purely nightmares.

Ronan was in the middle of saving Gansey from a soul-sucking creature when he was abruptly interrupted by his phone blasting out some electronica song on full volume. The setting was meant for his alarm and not for some random caller reaching out to him at—he checked the time—three forty-five in the goddamn morning. He didn’t miss the black box that tumbled out of his hands as he sat up. _Later_ , he thought. He’d unpack whatever it is he brought with him when he has finished dealing with this.

He clicked the answer button, and without so much as a proper _who is this_ , Ronan said, “Wrong number. Don’t try to—”

But whatever words he planned to say died out in his mouth because the person on the other end of the call replied in an urgent tone, “Is this Ronan Lynch?”

“Yes,” Ronan replied quite uncertainly.

“Can you please confirm if you are the person listed under Adam Parrish’ emergency contact?” the person asked.

Ronan bolted at the mention of his boyfriend—the person he basically threw out of their home a couple of hours ago. All the drowsiness that he had a few seconds before was now completely gone. “What happened? Where is he?”

“Sir, I need you to confirm first—”

“Yes, I am. Now tell me what the hell happened,” Ronan demanded.

The person let out a heavy sigh. “I’m sorry to be telling you this, sir, but there’s been an accident. Mr. Parrish was hit by a drunk driver and is now—”

Ronan never knew what else they had to say. The BMW was already speeding off to the nearest hospital before the emergency responder ever finished telling him the rest of the accident details. He would deal with all that later. For now, Ronan has to get to Adam.

As his hands were busy with controlling the steering wheel, his feet in between stepping on the gas to get there as soon as possible and opting for the breaks to avoid any delays getting there by receiving a speeding ticket, his mind wandered off to send a desperate prayer to God: _Please._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we get Adam's POV :D

Adam didn’t know where to go.

He’s had his fair share of walking out from where he lives—he has Robert Parrish to thank for that—but never this. Never away from the home he’s built with Ronan. Never away from Ronan Lynch.

He couldn’t care less about spending the night away from the trailer back when St. Agnes was still far from his grasp and his pride was effectively blocking him from setting foot on Monmouth Manufacturing with the intention of moving there for good. But this time, as he found himself getting farther and farther away from Ronan, there was a sting in his chest that seemed would not fade for a long time. Adam felt it the moment he saw the look on Ronan’s face. Immediately, he knew that all the plans he’s come up with for the past few months have been scrapped away.

And it was all his doing.

Adam laughed bitterly to himself and continued his path onto a particular store.

*

The bell chimed at the entryway, signaling his entrance. There were still quite a few customers, and Adam wonders if there was an upcoming holiday he missed. The only thing worth celebrating—that he knew of—was Ronan’s birthday and their anniversary, so why…

“It’s because of the holidays,” a familiar voice called out to him somewhere from behind the counter.

Adam managed a small smile as he walked towards her. “They’re all two months early,” he says. He wasn’t even a little bit surprised she managed to read him so easily. And a few meters away from her at that. Adam would have taken the opportunity to make a remark about her remarkable eyesight, which he would definitely get a pinch on both cheeks in return, if not for the fact that he wasn’t in any mood to joke around tonight.

Beth, the shop owner, laughed a little. Her hazel eyes crinkled at the corners. “I am aware, my dear,” she says to Adam with a hint of amusement. “But I suspect that more people are getting engaged this time of the year so that they could have something to brag about to their families when they all get together.”

“I thought more people get engaged during the holidays so they could steal the spotlight away from their siblings?” Adam asked. He got another laugh from that.

“Because suddenly you have actual siblings for that sort of information?” she teased him.

“No,” Adam says quietly. “But Ronan does.”

Beth clapped her hands together excitedly. “Oh! Dear me, I completely forgot. Why are we even talking about strangers getting engaged when you literally just did yourself!”

Adam was silent.

Frowning, Beth placed her hand on top of his fisted one. “Did he not like the ring?”

“He never knew about the ring, Beth,” Adam finally said after a few tense moments.

“But—”

“We had a fight. A big one,” he said. “And it was all my fault.”

Beth knew something was wrong the moment Adam showed up at her store just minutes before the closing time. That, and the fact that he was _there_ and not celebrating with his supposed-to-be fiancé.

Through his visits for the past months, she has had the opportunity to slowly uncover the man behind the façade Adam Parrish puts on for strangers through his vague descriptions of his boyfriend— _you’d be surprised at how one reveals their own person just by the way they describe the people they love,_ Beth once told Adam—and sometimes, little stories here and there about his day when he was in a pretty good mood.

But for all his reservedness and clipped responses when talking to her, as if he was afraid to reveal more than he should no matter how genuine that person may be, it didn’t take long for Beth to figure out that Adam Parrish is the kind of person who shouldn’t be rushed, pushed into doing things. So, she simply waited.

“It may sound off like I’m making up excuses for myself, but I’m really not,” Adam started, a little bit on the defensive side. A wild animal lashing out because that’s the only way he knows to protect himself from everything. “I left work on time. Early, even. I figured that the train would be full—rush hour and all—as well as your store, so I rushed out of there as soon as I could.”

“Go on,” she prompted.

“And then,” Adam continued, “when I was done here, I took the train again, but there was an emergency on the tracks when I was just close to my stop and having no choice, I ran all the way home.”

Beth made a soft tut-tut sound and said, “You should really take up your boyfriend’s offer on a new car. One that doesn’t break down every other day or so.”

Adam sighed in a telling way that they must already had this conversation several times before. “Shitbox. Sentimental value.” It’s still alive after all these years, although almost all of its parts were now replaced by something Ronan dreamt for him. He shouldn’t dwell on that thought right now. And anyway, the exercise is good for him. Now that he doesn’t need to have multiple jobs at the same time, all the energy he still subconsciously reserves for the non-existent work is spent on long, peaceful walks.

He went on. “So. As you’ve probably guessed by now, I got home late. Way too late for the dinner Ronan prepared for us. And… way too late to salvage us, too,” Adam whispered.

“Don’t say that,” Beth said softly. “I take it he was mad?” Adam nodded. “You did try telling him what you just told me now, didn’t you?”

“I did, but he thought I was making up excuses,” he said. “I wouldn’t blame him. It sounded like I was, but I couldn’t just blurt out to him what I was planning and ruin _it_.”

“So, you didn’t…” Beth trailed off.

Adam just shook his head. “It wasn’t the right time anymore,” he sighs and then reached into one of his jean pockets to retrieve a small, black velvet box. “Here. Can you please keep it for the time being? I don’t know if I could hold onto it right now.”

“No,” Beth scoffed lightly. Adam looked taken aback at this. Good. She’d rather knock some sense back to into that boy than hear him sound so hopeless. “Are you really trying to scrap your long-term relationship for just one misunderstanding?”

“Of course not,” Adam said, seemingly offended by that subtle accusation. “I just don’t know where I could keep it safe for now, and… _God_ , I’m so stupid. I feel like it’s mocking me every time I look at it.”

Beth gave him a knowing smile. “It’s safe if it’s with you.”

“Here we go,” Adam said dryly, but Beth doesn’t miss the fondness in that tone. He was just, after all, pointing out one of Beth’s trademark qualities—being a hopeless romantic. _Are you sure you’re not from a romcom movie?_ Adam teased her once. A widow selling engagement and wedding rings in hopes of witnessing people be bound together by love, just like how she and her late husband once were. She couldn’t argue with Adam for that.

If the situation wasn’t so somber, Beth would’ve made a remark about how Adam, too, ended up with his own high school sweetheart. Maybe she’d save that for their wedding.

“Well, I’m about to close tonight,” she said. “Probably be best for you to go home and sleep it off. You two would probably feel calmer in the morning.”

Adam let out an exhausted sigh. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Good,” Beth smiled. “Now go get going. Oh, and it’s pretty dangerous to walk this time of the night. Just book an Uber.”

*

If only Adam got into the Toyota a minute earlier—or later.

The driver was polite and accommodating given how late it’s gotten, but Adam didn’t miss the way his eyes drooped every now and then, immediately followed by him snapping his head up and shaking it to rub off the sleepiness he felt.

They were at a stoplight now, only a couple of minutes away from Adam’s location. He was not the chitchat type of person, but he’d do what it takes to help the driver stay alert. It was really helping, although if Adam hears another fun fact about potatoes then it’d be too soon.

“Have you heard of the fella Eric Jenkins?”

“Uh, sorry no.”

“Well back in 1974, he managed to produce 370 pounds of potatoes from just _one_ plant! That’s _amazing_ , man. Can you believe that? The amount of time and effort that must have taken. _Phew_.”

But Adam didn’t get the chance to say that he _could_ believe that since all he had to ensure was the crop remains alive, really, because when the light turned green and they were in the middle of the quiet intersection, a small truck appeared seemingly out of nowhere.

Adam didn’t have the time to figure out why it was so out of control when the road was completely dry. In the milliseconds between being completely alive—breathing, hurting—and falling into unconsciousness, Adam only thought: _I’m sorry, Ronan_.


	3. Chapter 3

Ronan wasn’t entirely sure whether days, weeks, or merely minutes have passed ever since he set foot on the white hospital floors. Everywhere he looks, there were always people rushing past him—people crying on other people’s shoulders, people being carried into ICUs, people in white coats doing the stuff Declan wanted for him a long time ago.

He already called Gansey and Blue, told them what happened, and heard them go frantic on the phone. They both promised to come over a little later—as they’d still need to settle matters in their respective jobs—so Ronan could go back to his and Adam’s apartment, take a shower, and pack the things he’d need because there was no way in hell he’d leave his side.

When he got the call a couple of hours earlier, Ronan didn’t have the chance to process everything that was happening. All he could think of was getting to the hospital as soon as possible and finding wherever Adam was. His mind, apparently, missed one slight detail—that he wouldn’t probably see Adam yet if his condition was bad.

And oh, it was worse than Ronan could have imagined.

The moment a doctor approached him with _that_ look on his face, Ronan knew somehow even before a single word was exchanged that this conversation would haunt him forever.

“Hello, you must be Ronan Lynch?” The doctor asked, and added, “I’m Doctor Evans.”

Ronan only stared.

If Doctor Evans thinks Ronan was rude, she didn’t show it. Instead, she offered him a small smile. “You are here for Adam Parrish, correct?”

“Yes,” Ronan finally answered.

“Are his parents here as well?” The doctor asked.

At this, Ronan’s mood darkened. “No,” he said with a tone of finality.

Doctor Evans seemed to accept it, confirmed if he was indeed Adam’s emergency contact, what his relationship was to him, and all the formalities needed. Ronan, who’s going out of his mind as they speak, impatiently said, “Where is he? I want to see him.”

“Well,” the doctor started gently. “That’s what I wish to discuss with you, Mr. Lynch. Upon the arrival of the victims of the accident, Adam was the only one rushed into the ER because his condition was far worse than the other two men. He’s suffered lots of cuts and bruises, broken three ribs and one arm, and punctured his left lung. It's most likely that Adam would be transferred to the ICU once we have him stabilized.”

Ronan stilled.

As if she didn’t just told Ronan the worst news of his life, Doctor Evans simply continued on. “The tricky bit here is his lung. He is currently on a ventilator as we speak because he still can’t breathe on his own. We’ve also done tests in order to check for severe head trauma, and if his loss of hearing in his left ear would bring more complications. For now, that is the only update I can give you, but rest assured that should there be any more news regarding Adam’s condition, you will be informed immediately,” she finished.

“Will he… will he live?” Ronan croaked out.

The doctor’s eyes softened at this. “I hope so, Ronan.” Then she added, “Why don’t you get yourself something to eat? I heard you’ve been sitting in this chair for hours.”

*

Ronan was left to wait once again. He received a text from Gansey that he and Blue were on the way to the hospital now and should arrive in more or less ten minutes.

It was now half past seven in the morning, which means he’s been here for what, four hours? He didn’t dare allowed himself to sleep because that would mean bringing something with him, and the last thing he wanted to happen was to get banned from the fucking hospital. There’s a chance that he won’t be flooding the entire floor with murder crabs, but with Adam’s life on the line, Ronan wouldn’t take that chance. He needed to be here.

Ronan noticed that one of the hospital staff seemed to be heading towards him. When the guy in scrubs was in front of him, he handed Ronan a zip loc that contained various items. Items, which to Ronan, was so damn familiar.

“Mr. Lynch, here are the items that we recovered from Mr. Parrish’s pockets, as well as the clothes he was wearing when he was brought in,” he—Mike, according to his I.D.—told Ronan.

Ronan took it and murmured, “Thank you.”

And before Ronan ever had the chance to decide whether he wanted to open it or not, there came Blue and Gansey. Both were looking tired and worried—both for Adam and for Ronan. He didn’t miss how Maggot’s eyes were a bit red, but eventually decided not to comment on it. For now.

Before the _heys_ and the _how are yous_ and _what did the doctor say_ , the first thing they exchanged was hugs. Teenage Ronan would’ve had a massive fit if he knew how soft he would be years down the road, but Present Ronan simply allowed himself to be comforted in the presence of his best friends, in the warmth of their embraces. _If Adam was here, he’d be smirking at me right now,_ Ronan thought with a pang of sadness and sorrow and _guilt_.

Once Ronan informed them of Adam’s current state, Blue made him eat a sandwhich in front of her. “I don’t believe you for a damn bit when you said you’ve had breakfast this morning,” she huffed with her arms crossed. When Ronan turned to Gansey and said, “I did eat!” the traitor only looked a bit sheepish and told him to just take a few more bites.

When both of his friends finally succeeded in convincing Ronan that nothing would happen to Adam while he’s gone, he reluctantly drove back to the apartment. It was quiet; not the comforting kind, but the kind that exudes a certain wrongness in the air. That, and the spoiled food Ronan didn’t have the time to put in the fridge last night. That was supposed to be for Adam, and now, his boyfriend was currently in the hospital, with a machine tied to him because if not, then he wouldn’t last.

And Ronan so, so badly wanted for Adam Parrish to live.

*

By the time Ronan finished taking a bath, packing clothes and other toiletries, and cleaning the apartment, he was still debating on whether or not he should look through the zip loc bag he was given a while ago. Adam would’ve probably wanted Ronan to keep them safe, right? But at the same time, he couldn’t bear at the thought of scavenging his way through every item because don’t people usually do that when their person is already gone?

Just as he was about to head for the hospital, Ronan received a text from Blue asking him to stop by at a bakery nearby because the cafeteria food was “atrocious.” Ronan was thankful he was alone the moment he read it because he couldn’t help the snort that came out of him. He almost looked to the passenger seat of the BMW and tell Adam about it before he remembered. That quickly sobered him up.

Once he was done picking up fucking bread for Maggot, Ronan was back on the sidewalk heading towards his car when he suddenly halted in front of a jewelry store. God knows why he went in. Before he had the chance to turn around, the old lady at the counter already saw him and welcomed him inside. Ronan wondered what she thought of him: a man in his twenties with a shaved head, stud earrings, huge back tattoo, and an all-black outfit, carrying fucking croissants in floral paper bags.

“Hello,” the old lady greeted. “How can I help you? Are you looking for specific rings or necklaces?”

Ronan fidgeted. “Not really. Sorry. I don’t know why I went in, I’m just gonna go,” he said.

“It’s alright, dear. But you are still free to look at the pieces if you want to. You don’t have to buy anything,” she smiled warmly.

At that, she left Ronan alone as she fidgeted with some stuff she has at the back. Beth, whom Ronan would learn about later on, pretended to be arranging her storage room so he wouldn’t feel uncomfortable looking around. She gave him about five minutes before returning to her usual spot by the counter. When she spotted him, he was staring at a certain ring in one of the glass cases, but the look he has on his face was neither excitement nor giddiness.

“Is this an engagement ring?” Ronan asked, pointing to the plain dark silver band that screams _Adam_. Of course, Ronan thought about proposing to Parrish before. Many times. He even attempted to do it in one of their post-sex cuddles, but he couldn’t get the words out, and at the back of his mind, Ronan knew that Adam deserved a ring. So, he decided to wait and wait and wait until now, it might be too late.

Beth clapped her hands excitedly. “Oh yes! Funny though, I also had a customer buy that exact ring just yesterday,” she laughed softly. “Is this the _in_ design these days?”

Ronan simply shrugged. He doesn’t have much to add to a conversation about engagement rings, after all. But that didn’t deter Beth from sharing all the things she was saying to him now.

“This customer of mine also had it engraved—I guess it does suit the design well, since it’s not those with the diamond ones,” she was saying.

“I really—” Ronan tried to cut her off without being too rude. He really needs to get to the hospital.

“—the saying was even in Latin, I believe. It was so very sweet. Apparently, it was for his high school sweetheart, and I’ve always got a soft spot for those. Reminds me of my late husband,” Beth sighed wistfully. “He keeps on coming back here every pay day to check if it was still there, always reminding me not to sell it to anyone because he’s absolutely sure he’s going to get it, that he just needs time to save up for it. I mean, I have been working at this store for years, and he was the first person that ever made me realize how special my job is, you know? Never encountered another customer who talks about his partner to strangers with that much love—”

“You said… the engraving was in Latin?” Ronan managed to choke out.

Beth smiled. “It is. I can’t quite remember it exactly…” she trailed off. “Oh! I believe it was the word, uh, _tamquam_? He told me it was something they would only understand—" she explained as best as she could without slipping up Adam’s name because no matter how talkative Beth is, she’d never disclose her customer’s identities to others.

Ronan felt like he couldn’t breathe because—no. It was too much of a coincidence. God was playing with him, punishing him for being the complete asshole that he is. But still. He had to know. “W-was the guy’s name Adam?” Ronan asked shakily.

“Yes, Mr. Adam Parrish. Do you know him?” Beth asked, completely intrigued. And it was probably the look on Ronan’s face, the pain in his eyes, that told the lady who she was talking to. Her eyes widened at the realization. “Oh my goodness. Could you possibly be Ronan? Adam’s Ronan?”

“I have to go,” was the only thing Ronan said before walking out of that goddamned store and into his bubble that was the BMW. He shut the door and didn’t even bother turning on the engine. He grabbed his overnight bag, shuffled through it, and pulled out the items he was looking for. Somehow, even before he opened them, he already knew what he was going to find.

Ronan held two black velvet boxes in each palm containing a plain, dark silver band. One that was sealed in a plastic bag, and one that was hastily thrown onto soft bedroom sheets. One that survived a car crash, and one that got pulled out of a dream. One with a _tamquam_ , and one with an _alter idem_.

He shoved them back into his bag, down to the bottom of it. Then Ronan simply laid his forehead on the steering wheel and cried.

*

As he walked through the doors of the hospital once again and the strong antiseptic solutions came in full force, Ronan thought about how he’s been to this place more times in the past twenty-four hours than in the last two years.

Just as he reached the room number that was assigned to Adam—according to Gansey’s text—he finds himself glued to the doorway. Doctors and nurses were frantic around his boyfriend, but Adam remained unbeknownst to all the chaos. Multiple wires were connecting him to all sorts of machines. He was deathly pale, his dust brown hair was limp, sweat matted his forehead, but the only thing Ronan seemed to focus on was the red alarm that was signaling from one of the machines and the sound of Adam choking.


	4. Chapter 4

“Ronan,” Gansey calls out from the other side of the cubicle. “It’s going to be alright. The doctors were able to stabilize Adam. Everything’s okay now,” he says in attempt to soothe Ronan, who bolted at the sight of his boyfriend desperately fighting for his life. He couldn’t bear the sight of it.

Ronan ended up in the men’s comfort room and puked his guts out on a toilet bowl until all that was left was his dry heaving and gasping breaths and shaking hands. He didn’t register Gansey’s presence on the other side of the door until his friend was practically shouting at him in order to get Ronan’s attention.

“Jane says he’s still unconscious, but the doctors said it’s likely he’ll wake up within the week. The higher Adam’s chances would be if his vitals continue to be stable,” Gansey continues.

He was only met with silence for quite a while, and then, in a low voice, Ronan asks his biggest fear of all with such quietness, “What if he doesn’t make it?”

There it is. The thought that has been haunting Ronan’s waking thoughts and fueling his nightmares ever since that wretched night.

Ronan couldn’t see the look on his friend’s face, but from his audible intake of breath, Ronan knew Gansey’s logical brain have thought about this too. But if there’s one thing Ronan admires most about his best friend, it’s his unwavering belief in the people he cares about, and somehow, through more than a decade worth of friendship, Adam Parrish solidified his place among the top of Gansey’s list.

“He will make it, Ronan,” Gansey replies, and Ronan couldn’t help but feel comforted by the grim determination in his voice.

Without hesitation, Ronan would go to Hell and back to keep Adam from the gripping hands of Death, but he knew that deep down, Gansey would be the one to pack all they would need, figure out which is the fastest way to get there, and ultimately confront whatever god or being they’d meet at the end.

“God, Dick,” Ronan rasps miserably. “He looked like a fucking corpse.”

“But he’s not,” Gansey replies. “Adam’s putting up a fight as we speak. You can’t leave him there all alone just so you could hunch over some dirty bathroom floor.”

Slowly, Ronan stood up and opened the door. He instantly met Gansey’s eyes and the look on the other man’s face told Ronan all he needed to know about his own appearance—and confirmed the fact that he was a hypocrite for calling his boyfriend a corpse. He was sure Gansey was also thinking it.

“He doesn’t want me there,” Ronan says, his eyes not meeting his friend’s.

Gansey sighed. “Look, I don’t know all the details about what happened before the… the accident, but I _know_ he’d want you there. More than anyone.”

“He already has you and Maggot and Cheng,” Ronan counters.

“And as much as we’d love to be there for him through all this, we all know he needs _you_ , Ronan,” Gansey says softly. “Adam needs his other half.”

And that’s all Ronan needed to hear, really, before he finds himself walking out the comfort room and headed towards Room 113. Gansey was right there behind him. Whatever hesitation he might have felt an hour ago was gone now because upon reaching the door, Ronan grasped the knob, turned it gently, and walked into the room with a sense of surety in his steps. Trusting Gansey to be the one to close the door, Ronan claimed the chair nearest Adam and held his hand in his.

Ronan might have had the courage to stay right by Adam’s side, but that wasn’t to say it suddenly became easy for him to see the love of his life in this state. His eyes landed on Blue instead, who took up half of the two-seater couch near the window. She was listening to some podcast but stopped when the two of them entered the room.

She raised an eyebrow at him. “Well look who finally finished puking his guts out.”

Ronan narrowed his eyes at her and said, “Fuck you, Maggot.”

“Ronan!” Gansey sputtered from the couch beside Blue, but she only gave Ronan a sharp laugh.

“Welcome back,” she says to him with a knowing smile.

*

The days went by and true to his word, Ronan never left Adam’s side.

Henry Cheng joined them yesterday, profusely apologizing for not being there sooner due to his flight getting cancelled. The three of them had to reassure him constantly that it was fine, and that Adam would’ve been already glad for the fact that he _wanted_ to visit him at the hospital.

Ronan wouldn’t say he and Cheng were the closest in their tight-knit group of friends, but he would be lying if he says he never warmed up to him through the years. If anything, he was particularly grateful for him now for the liveliness he’s brought to the room. Ronan didn’t think he could last long with nothing but the whirring of the machines connected to Adam for his source of music. Although, he might have said that too soon.

“Stop playing that trash, Henry,” Gansey says in attempt to sway him for the nth time this day.

“Please, it’s killing all of my brain cells,” Blue groaned.

Henry scoffed at them. “ _Please_. Adam needs to hear all the newly released songs from this month that I know he's missed because of work and stuff. But you know him, always still wanting to be updated on everything. Come on, Ronan, tell them!”

Suddenly, all eyes are on him. “I don’t think Ariana Grande’s new album counts,” Ronan says dryly.

Blue let out a whoop of victory. “Disconnect your phone from the speaker right now, Cheng. I’ll show you all what _real_ sound should be like.” The three men barely managed to disguise their look of horror before a voice they were all familiar with—courtesy of Blue—flooded the room.

_“—found this new way to get people care about climate solutions. They got hundreds and thousands of young people excited about planting trees—”_

Ronan was up from his seat and already got hold of the damned speaker before Blue could even finish her protest. “Sorry, Jane,” Gansey says completely unapologetically. “We’ve heard this one a hundred times already for the past five days.”

“Seriously, I love this planet and all, but if I hear the word ‘climate change’ again, it’d be too soon,” Henry quips.

During all this, Ronan was silent as he carries out his plan of his own. It was only a matter of seconds before the cursed beats of the Murder Squash song was heard from all around the room—and probably the entire hospital as well.

“Goddamnit, Lynch!” Blue bellowed as she desperately tries to block out the sounds by covering her ears with her hands.

“Seriously, man,” Henry complains. “If I were Adam and I’d wake up from my state of unconsciousness just to hear this, I’d wish for the sweet release of death instead.”

Gansey tried to hide his snort of laughter with a cough, but he wasn’t fooling anyone. Ronan gave them all a withering look. “Shut the fuck up, Cheng.”

“Well,” Gansey starts, ever the peacemaker. “You know Adam best. What kind of music does he like?”

“Bet he has a playlist full of Adam’s favorite songs,” Ronan hears Henry whisper conspiratorially to Blue. He was right, of course, but Ronan would cut off him arm first before ever admitting that to anyone. Let alone Henry Cheng.

“Bet he’s practically married to that lo-fi girl by now,” Blue cackles. And Ronan felt his chest clench at _that_ word, but no. He wouldn’t go down that road now—not when everybody is here. He managed not to let his thoughts stray that far, thus him not kicking out Gansey, Maggot, and Cheng yet despite the number of times they’ve pissed him off by now.

“Shut the fuck up,” Ronan snapped. “All of your yapping noises isn’t good for Parrish.”

Ronan hasn’t told them about what happened. What they got from him was just the main details: he and Adam had a fight on their anniversary, Adam went out right after, and the next thing Ronan knows, he’s getting a call saying Adam got in a car accident. He knew they were all waiting for him to reveal the rest of the story, but Ronan doesn’t think he’s ready for that yet.

The room suddenly fell into silence when the first notes of the new song Ronan picked out started to play. He was actually the one who made Adam listen to it for the first time, and he could still remember how his boyfriend didn’t know whether to laugh, cry, or kiss him for finding a song that fit him so well. In the end, he decided he liked it.

“Who would’ve thought Adam has good taste in music,” Blue says with a hint of surprise in her voice, which Ronan found to be a secondhand insult.

Gansey smiled. “It suits him.”

Henry shook his head fondly. “Even when unconscious, Adam Parrish still manages to be better than all of us,” he says with a little laugh.

“You know what, Cheng,” Ronan starts. “That just might be the most sensible thing you’ve ever said in all the time I’ve known you.”

Ronan purposely ignored all the indignant protests from Henry and the laughter from Blue and Gansey to stare at Adam beside him. Although the doctor who keeps coming back to check on him every once in a while informed Ronan that Adam’s vitals were looking good, he won’t believe any of it. Not until he sees Adam awake with his own eyes.

In a voice only meant for Adam to hear, Ronan says, “You’re not allowed to die, Parrish.” He placed a soft kiss on Adam’s knuckles, successfully missing the wires attached to the back of his palm. “Come back to me, okay?”

Ronan laid his head down beside their clutched hands like he did every night for the past five days. On the verge of falling asleep, he whispered, “Tamquam.” And just like the other nights, it remained unanswered.

*

“Ronan,” someone whispered to him. “We’ll just get some breakfast from the coffee shop down the block. Do you want anything?”

Ronan groaned. It was too early for this shit. “Coffee,” he mumbled. And then he heard the door shut quietly.

With that, Ronan returned to his dreams.

*

He wasn’t sure how much sleep he managed to catch since then. All he knew was that his dreams were once again becoming too much, so he needed to wake up right now before he brings something with him that ends him up away from Adam.

Ronan managed to wake himself up, but not without escaping the dreaded feeling of being paralyzed for a few minutes after bringing back something from a bad dream. Subconsciously in his sleep-addled mind, he noticed that his hand wasn’t holding anything, and Ronan, in his helpless state, could only hope it doesn’t pose any danger to Adam since it could be placed anywhere inside the room.

When his motor senses were brought back to him, Ronan let out a soft groan and flexed his stiff hands. In that moment, he recognized the feeling of someone’s thumb brushing over his own. His hand that was clutching Adam’s right before he fell asleep last night.

 _Adam_.

Instantly, Ronan bolted upright in his seat and he was met with his favorite pair of blue eyes in the whole goddamned world.

“Parrish,” Ronan breathes. In response, Adam stopped his hand’s movements and instead, just squeezed Ronan’s hand. “You’re awake.” The two words Ronan almost thought he could never say to him again.

Even with a gauze wrapped around his forehead, a cast on his left arm, a tube down his throat, dark purple bruises on his nose and eye and arms, Adam Parrish was still the most beautiful person in Ronan Lynch’s eyes.

Ronan didn’t care about the tears that fell down his cheeks, didn’t care about the soreness in his neck from the uncomfortable sleeping position he put himself in every night just so he wouldn’t have to let go of Adam’s hand even for a moment, didn’t care that his clothes—Adam’s old Harvard hoodie and black jeans—were two-days old.

“I-I thought you were—” Ronan started, but Adam, already knowing where this is going, made a little shaking motion with his head. Ronan slowly moved closer to him and placed a light kiss on his forehead even though it was more of gauze than skin at the moment. “Do you feel any pain?”

As if on cue, Adam squeezed his eyes shut, his face a mask of pain, and the hand Ronan was holding seemed to be squeezing him in the forearm now. His breathing was somehow becoming more labored and panicked by the second. Ronan immediately pressed the button that alerted the nurses stationed outside all while whispering to Adam’s temple over and over, “You’re gonna be alright, Parrish, do you hear me? I won’t let anything happen to you. You’re okay. I’m here, I won’t go anywhere.”

It seemed only to take less than a full minute before the nurses and Doctor Evans came swarming into the room, all alert and ready to figure out what was wrong. “Mr. Lynch, I’m afraid I would have to ask you to step outside for a moment.” And Ronan must have an expressively incredulous look on his face because she added reassuringly, “It won’t take long. We just need to run some tests and check on Adam’s vitals. I’ll call back for you right away.”

Doctor Evans kept true to her word, and informed Ronan that it was the ventilator that was causing Adam pain. She told him that they would continue to monitor Adam throughout the next couple of hours, and if he continuously shows signs of good progress, then she’d have him switch to a less invasive oxygen supplement. “He’s out once again, but don’t worry, that’s good for him. Sleeping lets his body heal faster. Should you have any more concerns, please don’t hesitate to talk to the nurses.”

With that, she left the room.

*

As expected, Gansey, Blue, and Henry were all pretty pissed for having missed Adam’s small, precious window of consciousness. “We are not leaving this room again,” Blue declared to her breakfast run companions.

Ronan, who was still shaken from what happened merely an hour ago, just sipped his black coffee in silence.

Gansey noticed this, observant as always. “Are you okay, Ronan? Was there anything else that happened when we were gone?” he asked, concern lacing his words.

“No,” was the only thing Ronan said, effectively ending all other questions he felt they still have.

That was hours ago. Now, they have a very much awake Adam Parrish with them, and so the mood among the group was considerably better than the past few days combined. He still couldn’t speak with the ventilator attached to his mouth, but they all managed to get around that certain problem with a pen and a piece of paper.

Begrudgingly, Adam agreed to listen to whatever song Henry played out for him through the speakers and to watch David Attenborough’s Netflix documentary with Blue. Currently, he and Gansey were in the middle of a very competitive game of Scrabble (Adam was winning), but before he could place his next word, Doctor Evans came in with the news Adam has been waiting for ever since he woke up. “Hello, Adam. I’m glad to see you’ve been keeping yourself busy with good company here. I do hate to interrupt your game—excellent vocabulary, by the way—but I think it’s time for you to say goodbye to that tube. How does that sound?”

Adam’s eyes brightened at this and he managed to give Doctor Evans a small, but sure nod.

She smiled and clapped her hands. “Right. I’ll have to ask all of you to please step outside for a moment. I think Adam would appreciate some privacy for this.”

The three packed-up some of their things and quietly went outside, but not before giving Adam some excited thumbs ups and a collective energetic _you got this_. Though before Ronan could even take a step back from Adam’s bed, a hand was already clutching his wrist firmly. “Are you sure?” Ronan asks quietly.

Adam, his eyes never leaving his, nods.

“Looks like it’s you and me, Ronan,” Doctor Evans smiled. “Alright, while I set-up the nasal cannula, Ronan, could you adjust Adam’s bed to a sitting position?”

Ronan did just that, all while checking-in with Adam if he still needs to adjust anything else.

“This is going to be simple,” she addresses Adam. “First, I need you to take a deep breath for me.” Adam does.

“Okay, great. Another deep breath, and let’s try holding it up to three this time.” Adam does, but only managed until the second count before he pitches forward and chokes on a cough. Ronan was instantly there to rub comforting circles on his back.

“You’re doing great, Adam.” Doctor Evans has got the nasal cannula expelling some air now. “This is the last one before I pull out the tube, so I need you to try and hold your breath in as long as you can. Ready?”

This time, the nod that Adam gives her was a weak one.

“One… two… three and hold it—” Doctor Evans reached for the tube now and pulled it out of Adam’s mouth, causing his body to rack with violent coughs and a bit of vomit.

“—cough it up, just cough it up—” the doctor was saying as she gently places the nasal cannula onto Adam’s nose. After he calmed down, she continued to listen to his airways and chest before asking Adam once more, “Can you manage a few words for me, Adam?”

At this, Adam took a deep breath, tilted his head to look at Ronan in the eyes, and says, “Alter idem.”


	5. Chapter 5

“Well,” Doctor Evans smiles. “I’ll leave you two for a while.” And with that, she was out of the room.

Ronan has been waiting for this moment ever since that night, but before he could so much as manage to get a single word out, Adam was already saying to him, “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t,” Ronan interrupts him shakily. He could already feel the hot tears pressed behind his eyes. “Just don’t, Parrish.” But if they’d decide to escape and roll down his cheeks, then Ronan would let them flow for Adam Parrish. Adam Parrish, the man who just escaped the brink of death and yet still actively chose to think about Ronan and remind himself of the things he’s convinced went wrong because of him. The man Ronan Lynch would never truly feel like he deserves to have in his life, let alone as a partner in everything.

Adam, being the stubborn idiot that he is, ignores this and continues on. “Y-you were right,” he croaks. “I never have t-time for you ‘nymore. I should have managed all of it better—”

This time, Adam lets Ronan take over the conversation seeing as he his body racked with a series of coughs he couldn’t suppress. “Stop apologizing,” Ronan scolds him without heat.

“I’m sorry I made you f-feel that way,” Adam croaks. “I didn’t mean to, Ronan. I wanted to tell you; I did—" But he never got to tell Ronan about his planned proposal because his pretty messed up lung was causing him to hack up again. It took much longer for him to recover and calm down, so Ronan took this opportunity to be the one to comfort his boyfriend.

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re okay,” Ronan says in his most gentle voice, which Adam only ever has the privilege of hearing. Ronan Lynch wouldn’t have allowed anyone else to know this side of him, but Adam Parrish has always been an exception to the rule. Each other’s halves. “Your lungs are still recovering, shithead. Save your strength.”

“But I really need to explain—“

“I know, Parrish. Trust me, I _know_.” And because Ronan thought for the past week that he’d never get to say this again, he adds, “I love you.”

Ronan wasn’t ashamed to say he imagined this moment in his head too many times to count, and in each one, he pictured Adam Parrish with varying emotions and reactions. Anger. Mockery. Surprise. But he never thought he’d witness Adam’s face crumple from hearing those words. The purest truth Ronan could offer him right now.

“Are you breaking up with me?” Adam whispers brokenly.

Ronan didn’t even bother coating his words. “ _What the fuck?_ ”

“Well,” Adam starts. “It’s just… at the barns, when we were fighting, you seemed like you wanted to… and I-I’d rather you do it now. I’ll understand, Lynch. You were probably just waiting for me to wake up. Is that why you’ve been keeping vigil at my bedside this whole time? _God_. I-I’m sorry about that. But, uh, thank you. For not simply leaving me. How long have I been out anyway? The bills. Oh god. I _have_ to get out.” And then he proceeded to fucking fumble with his IV and cannula, and Ronan. Has. Had. It.

“PARRISH.” Well, that seemed to have gotten his idiot of a boyfriend’s attention and halted whatever idiotic plans he just came up with to get out of a damn hospital with severe injuries. God knows what Ronan would do if Adam suddenly starts choking again because he disrupted his own oxygen supply.

He was still the Adam Ronan knew, alright. The man with psychic senses, but with no sense of self-preservation. It was one of the things Ronan came to love about him, although most times—like right now—it makes him want to grow out his hair just so he could rip it out for situations like this.

Adam Parrish was the only person who could match Ronan for wit and snide remarks and asshole tendencies, but right now, Ronan didn’t think he’d appreciate that, so he opted to go for the… softer tone. “Just—please, calm down. Breathe, okay? Come on, do it with me. Good. That’s good.”

“Ronan.”

“Would you please let me finish?” Ronan says, full on exasperation. Adam nodded. Fucking finally. “All of the things you just said… you and I both know they’re not true. Any of it. And if you weren’t suffering from body injuries, I would’ve rolled my eyes at you right now and flicked you on the forehead. But given your current state, I’ll let it pass.”

Adam, sensing that Ronan still has a lot more to say to him, finally kept his mouth shut, but he planned on holding onto Ronan’s hand the entire time. If this was the last day that he gets to do this, then he might as well cherish every second left of it. Starting now. Ronan took a deep breath and continued. “I was wrong to say all the things I did before. I’ve just been so frustrated with everything and you not being there, well, I reached my breaking point, I guess. I’ve always known about your work ethics, and that’s a part of you that I’ve come to love and accept. Those things I said about you being selfish and prideful, looking at your hurt expression then made me feel like I’ve accomplished something… but then I got a call saying that you got into an accident, I couldn’t—god, Adam. Up until that point I’ve never wished for anything so hard in my life than to take back all the things I said to keep you from going out.”

Ronan was sobbing now. He didn’t even bother to wipe away his tears, but Adam took care of that for him. The latter’s eyes, too, were wet. “And then a nurse gave me your stuff. That’s when I saw the ring.”

“Oh.” Adam wished he could go back to being unconscious. Stupid driver for driving under the heavy influence of alcohol. Stupid ring for not getting destroyed during the accident. Stupid hospital nurse for giving Ronan his stuff. Stupid _him_ for not planning out this scenario in his head. Adam doesn’t think he’ll ever be ready for this conversation but seeing as he’s currently strapped to a hospital bed, he figured he doesn’t have much of a choice in the matter. “Uh, obviously I didn’t want you to find out this way, but don’t worry I-I won’t ask you now. Or like, ever. If that’s—if you don’t want to.”

Ronan groaned. “Jesus Christ, Parrish. Shut the fuck up. You’re giving me fucking ulcer.” Adam simply closed his eyes—in pain or in embarrassment, Ronan wasn’t sure—but at least he did what Ronan asked him to. Shut up, that is.

“What I’m _trying_ to say is,” Ronan continues. “Even when unconscious, you still manage to surprise me, you absolute asshole. You saved up for it, didn’t you?” he whispers. “That’s why you took all those extra work hours.”

“And look where it got me with you,” Adam mutters shakily. He could feel the angry tears threatening to fall despite him closing his eyes tighter.

Ronan gave him a knowing smile even though he couldn’t see it. “You’re not the only one who got a ring, Parrish.”

Slowly, Adam opened his eyes and looked at Ronan beside him. They were, as expected, red-rimmed, but what caught Ronan’s breath was how much disbelief they carried. Did Adam really thought he wanted to end things for good? “So… does that mean you still want to be with me?” he whispers, as if afraid that voicing it out louder would break all what’s left of the tether that’s keeping Ronan to him.

Sometimes Ronan really wanted to kill him. “Of course, shithead. Honestly, your head injuries must be so bad if you just missed the whole point of my speech.” It was quiet for a moment, the two of them simply absorbing the fact that they’re still together, that their fight was born out of frustration and misunderstanding on each other’s part, and not because they’re falling out of love. It turns out it was actually quite the opposite.

Adam was starting to get drowsy again, but then Ronan says to him softly, “The ring was perfect, by the way. But even if you’d ask me with a loose string or even with a strand of your hair or some shit, I’d still say yes.” That managed to get a small laugh out of Adam, which Ronan counted as an achievement despite everything.

“Was worth it,” Adam says a bit sluggishly, and the tone managed to catch Ronan’s attention and made him realize the drugs were probably kicking in. “Because it’s you.”

“For the record,” Ronan says. “I’d say yes no matter how, or when, or where you do it. There’s no one else for me but you, Adam.”

Adam gave him a loopy smile and it’s the lightest Ronan has felt in days. “In that case, stay?” he gestures Ronan to a spot beside him in his bed.

“I don’t think it’s safe. I might mess up one of your wires, shithead.” But Adam just stared at him. Ronan sighed. “Your doctor’s gonna kill me.”

“She won’t,” Adam promised, although Ronan seriously doubts that.

“Fine. Scoot over.”

Somehow, the two of them managed to fit in the bed, the wires connected to Adam seemingly still intact and doing the shit they’re supposed to be doing. Adam slotted himself so that his head was on Ronan’s chest and both of the latter’s arms were wrapped around him. “Get some rest, Parrish. I won’t leave you.”

Adam believed Ronan, and so he did.

Hours later, it was how the rest of their friends found them, and the sight must’ve seemed like out of a romcom movie because even it managed to shut Henry Cheng up when he was in the middle of ranting about the new Netflix series he saw.

One by one, they quietly entered the room and took up a place for themselves. Adam woke up to the sight of all his friends and the feel of Ronan’s arms still around him, and despite the circumstances, he smiled.

*

**_Two years later_ **

Beth shouldn’t have been surprised that minutes before her closing time was when her boys would decide to show up. Although she wondered what could’ve a prompted a visit from Adam and Ronan since the two have been happily married for a year now.

She remembered their wedding like it was yesterday, and how honored she was to simply have a part in it—even if it was merely as a ring seller. Adam and Ronan disagreed with that, telling her that they were lucky to have had her during the time their relationship was at a breaking point. They invite her over to their place for lunch or dinner once in a while, which she deeply appreciates.

This time, however, they brought someone along with them. Beth remembered seeing him from the wedding as Adam’s best man, although she never really had the chance to introduce herself to him. He looked at ease then, but now… not so much.

“Are you sure about this, Ronan? Jane might not even like this,” he was saying. All brown hair a bit messed up from the wind outside, his hands kept on adjusting his glasses nervously.

Ronan rolled his eyes. “Look. Maggot’s all for saving the environment and shit but come on. I doubt she’d appreciate you proposing to her with a ring made out of plastic bottles.”

Adam simply looked relived to be able to get away from them and walked up to the counter where Beth was. “Hi, Beth,” he greets. “Sorry for coming in here so late. Gansey got stuck in traffic and—”

“It’s perfectly fine,” she smiles. “It’s good to see you again. Is there anything I could do for your friend?”

Both of them turned to look at Gansey and Ronan just in time to catch the latter saying, “Are you seriously telling me you don’t know the size of Maggot’s finger?”

“Well, that wouldn’t be very subtle, now would it?” Gansey retorts.

“Then just get the smallest size. She’s not the midget of the group for nothing.”

“ _Ronan_. Stop being such a—”

“Dick? No, that’s you.”

Adam turns back to Beth. “I’m really sorry. I wish I could say I have no idea who these people are.”

“That’s rude, Parrish,” Ronan says, seemingly listening to Adam and Beth’s conversation while having one of his own with Gansey.

“It’s Parrish-Lynch,” Adam corrects him automatically. Beth smiles.

“If you two are done being all married,” Gansey starts exasperatedly. “Would you please _help_ me? I still don’t know if Jane would even _want_ to marry me.”

“She would,” Adam reassures him. “Though she outright denies it, you’ve managed to worm your way into her little feminist heart and would no doubt gladly take you as her partner.”

“You’re starting to sound like Ronan,” Gansey replies dryly. Adam pales at this, but Ronan only smirks.

Beth, who was really starting to feel bad for the poor kid—Gansey, it seems—approached him and suggested a few pieces. She only vaguely remembers Blue from the wedding, but based on Gansey’s description of her, Beth felt like she knows enough.

Meanwhile, Adam and Ronan simply stood a bit behind them so as to not get in the way but also wanting Gansey to know they’re here for him. They looked at each other. No words were exchanged between them, but they’ve never really needed those to know what the other wanted to say.

Although sometimes, it doesn’t hurt to say it, even in the most random of situations. After all, no one knows what might happen next and both of them learned that the most painful way.

“Tamquam,” Adam says quietly to Ronan as he toyed with the wedding band on his husband’s finger.

Ronan rolled his eyes fondly. “That’s my line.” And then eventually, “Alter idem.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you thank you thank you for sticking around!! i appreciate all of your support so much <3


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